Mind Soother

I don’t know how and in which part, but the music gave me the taste of freedom and peace. At first I wonder myself, what did it do to me exactly? Then I found that it didn’t speak to me through the lyrics or the beat or the rhythm, or the melody. It speak to my sense of feeling. It made me feel the song. Kinda like Homogenic, Imogen Heap, Coldplay, Travis, and Mew, but the in the cheery happy free way.

My dream home is a house with backyard and terrace where I can drink tea while I read my books. Full of sunshine and flowers but never hot, always warm. The colors are calm but the air is rich with laughter and happiness. The wind is soft and soothing, perfect for lazy day alone or crazy event full of happy people. And Owl City music really mirrored my imagination of feeling about this place.

Today's Note

Today I learn something,
So today I screwed up. I broke a promise, not only one but two. One of them is my best friend.
She need to buy something, it’s important, but she had to work and need to go straight to Jakarta after, so she didn’t have time to buy it. Since I have time, I said I’ll bought it for her and bring it to her office. My other friend, said that she need me to come to work one hour earlier (3pm) because she have to do something regarding her academic stuff.

I already said yes to both . But I haven’t sleep all night, so I said to them to call me an hour before. I slept after I set my alarm. But when I woke up, it’s already 4pm.
!!!
Turn out that in the middle of my sleep, my phone is dead. At 4pm, my best friend probably already on her way, and my work friend is probably already too late to take care of her stuff. I run to my work place, can’t turn on my phone. It was on for a minute but then messages and phone record keep coming so it turned dead again before I even read one of them.I know it’s them asking where the hell am I.

In the way I keep thinking how I’m ashamed of myself. I disappoint my best friend, and my friend, whom never disappoint me, not once. Air susu dibalas air tuba! I keep thinking how am I gonna make it up to them, who probably won’t even talk to me for a while. I feel like crying, but hey…I don’t have the right to cry. It is me who screwed up!

But guess what,
When I get to the shop…my friend told me it’s okay, I have to do some stock checking, and count the money. She even SMILE to tell me to not worry!!!
That hit me hard. If it was me, I won’t be mad. But HELL NO I’ll smile! I’ll be cold.
I dazed…for like 5 minute? I know it really hard to smile at times like that, but she choose to be a bigger person. Not getting angry is already great. But to even smile, that’s another level already. I want to be there too…I’ll try…

Oh, and when I finally can charge my phone, my best friend text me. No angry message, she even asked me to pray for her success. Later she said thing she want me to buy is just not meant to be taken with her. Huhuuuu…I’m so touched…

Thank you God for giving me good friends, who can teach me to be a better person…

Kebiasaan Tawar-Menawar

Saya mau protes,
Saya sebel banget kalo dibilang sok kaya gara-gara saya males nawar di gedebage, atau kalo lagi beli bunga di simpang, atau kalo saya males nawar dimanapun. Jarang banget saya nawar, biasanya kalo harga pertama udah nggak cocok yaudah saya tinggal. Kalaupun nawar, nawarnya saya adalah nanya "harga pas-nya berapa?" atau "nggak bisa kurang?" ke si penjual dan ngebiarin penjualnya nentuin harga yang mau ditawarin ke saya. Kalau harganya menurut saya masuk akal, saya beli walupun teman-teman saya bilang "tawar lagi tau harusnya, itu kemahalan". Kalo misalnya harganya saya anggap tetep terlalu mahal, yaudah saya nggak maksa. Saya anggep aja kaya abis liat-liat Topshop, pengen tapi ga mampu atau ga bersedia bayar segitu. Nggak pernah saya ngotot dalam tawar-menawar.

Bukan saya sok kaya, tapi pada dasarnya saya males nawar. Setau saya, opsi boleh nawar itu ada di pasar-pasar, atau tukang asongan kaya tukang bunga yang suka saya beli. Jadi tau juga kan kalo mereka bukan orang-orang yang hidupnya berkecukupan? Kita bayar dengan harga yang ditawarin pun belum tentu bisa cukup buat mereka makan, bayar listrik, air, pendidikan. Apalagi buat kebutuhan tersier macem nonton, belanja, dll.

Kenapa sih nggak rela banget liat orang mau bayar dengan harga yang ditawarin si penjual? Kan mereka pengen juga makan, pengen juga sekolah. Kalaupun udah bisa, udah cukup, kan mereka pengen juga punya baju yang bagus, punya sepatu lucu, bisa nonton film, bisa makan cemilan, kaya kita.

Saya juga nggak bego-bego amat, saya tau harga aslinya cuma seperlimanya. Cuma emang ada ya orang jualan yang nggak cari untung? Kalo dibilang keterlaluan, lebih keterlaluan mana sih sama sepatu dan baju dan tas bermerek? Yang bukan merek macem Cartier pun, yang biasa aja kaya distro deh, dikira nggak ngambil untung berlipat-lipat juga? Tapi dibeli juga kan tetep, kalo suka, kalo pengen? Rela kan ngasih untung 10 kali lipat ke perusahaan-perusahaan itu? Ke toko-toko itu? Kenapa nggak rela ngasih untung 5 kali lipat ke orang lain, apalagi yang hidupnya jauh daripada yang punya perusahaan-perusahaan atau toko-toko itu? This is the part that I won’t participate in.

Kalau ada yang mau, ngambil kesempatan untuk nawar karna udah dikasih, ya silahkan…(ya prinsip ekonomi kan mencari untung sebesar-besarnya memang). Toh value yang kita inginkan berbeda. Makanya sudut pandang kita terhadap suatu hal beda juga. Emang saya marah-marah kalo kalian nawar? Kan nggak…saya juga nggak ngatain kalian sok miskin kan? Jadi jangan sembarangan ngatain saya sok kaya juga dong…

Jangan salah dan dibolak-balik ya! Saya bukannya ga suka sama orang yang doyan nawar, tapi saya nggak suka ada orang yang protes dan ngatain saya kalo saya ga doyan nawar. You have your reason, so do I. I don't bugged you about yours, you shouldn't bugged me about mine.

A Glimpse of Summer

When I take this picture, the sun is like angry with us...it was a blinding hot day, we keep saying that how did it become so freaking hot in just a week after all that heavy rain? but somehow now we're back to the gloomy rainy day...and then we whine again why the hell the rain won't stop and ruin everything...

Give me my sunshine back...but don't take away the cool wind please??
I'm so ungrateful...forgive me God...

What makes me uneasy is that the weather seem to mirror my mental state. I'll flip from summer to winter in a matter of days...and I've never been a moody person! The dangerous part is, I realized I'm being moody and I monitor my state everyday...is this normal?? I mean being moody is normal, BUT realizing that I'm moody then take note from it, and make plan for future act/mood from it doesn't seem normal. Is it?

My state is important as now I'm in my last semester, I have to be as calm as possible. I need my rationality at it's best right now. But somehow I keep being reminded by everything how my rationality is getting worrying...and I can't decide which one I have to choose, because I don't think I have enough time to add something to worry about right now.

Am I making sense? Okay, I think I'm babbling...

I Have Rainbow On My Eyelashes

I found something quite stressing today...it's either my bad luck or just something i actually make myself, but this week i found disappointment after disappointment.

it's human to feel sad, and whine and cry and sulk...but i'll just gonna be a snob and say i'm already on the level that passed whining as activities. It's either whining then do something about it, or do something about it without whining. Hey, It's faster!

The disappointment I have I can just gulp them and feel them stuck in my throat and chest, annoyed me while I do something to make them disappear. Just enjoy the feeling, just keep moving. I'm nervous and scared. I already feel that it's hard and it's reaching to my eyes and soul, but I know it will feel so satisfying when I lose them without also losing time. Nothing beat that feeling.

Rainbow on my eyelashes, for now please be satisfied with me being sane
I'll smile with you again in no time...for now please just smile at me
I promise I'll make it up to you :)