A Glimpse of Summer

When I take this picture, the sun is like angry with us...it was a blinding hot day, we keep saying that how did it become so freaking hot in just a week after all that heavy rain? but somehow now we're back to the gloomy rainy day...and then we whine again why the hell the rain won't stop and ruin everything...

Give me my sunshine back...but don't take away the cool wind please??
I'm so ungrateful...forgive me God...

What makes me uneasy is that the weather seem to mirror my mental state. I'll flip from summer to winter in a matter of days...and I've never been a moody person! The dangerous part is, I realized I'm being moody and I monitor my state everyday...is this normal?? I mean being moody is normal, BUT realizing that I'm moody then take note from it, and make plan for future act/mood from it doesn't seem normal. Is it?

My state is important as now I'm in my last semester, I have to be as calm as possible. I need my rationality at it's best right now. But somehow I keep being reminded by everything how my rationality is getting worrying...and I can't decide which one I have to choose, because I don't think I have enough time to add something to worry about right now.

Am I making sense? Okay, I think I'm babbling...

I Have Rainbow On My Eyelashes

I found something quite stressing today...it's either my bad luck or just something i actually make myself, but this week i found disappointment after disappointment.

it's human to feel sad, and whine and cry and sulk...but i'll just gonna be a snob and say i'm already on the level that passed whining as activities. It's either whining then do something about it, or do something about it without whining. Hey, It's faster!

The disappointment I have I can just gulp them and feel them stuck in my throat and chest, annoyed me while I do something to make them disappear. Just enjoy the feeling, just keep moving. I'm nervous and scared. I already feel that it's hard and it's reaching to my eyes and soul, but I know it will feel so satisfying when I lose them without also losing time. Nothing beat that feeling.

Rainbow on my eyelashes, for now please be satisfied with me being sane
I'll smile with you again in no time...for now please just smile at me
I promise I'll make it up to you :)

One of My Ultimate Worry

For a wise lady who can teach even the harshest thing with softness and patience
I only have one hope, is that God give you health...
because you're always sick, that worries me hell
while I still have a lot of thing that I wish to do for you
I still have a lot of thing that I wish to do with you
I still have a lot of things to share with you
I still have a lot of things that I want to learn from you

God please please please give her good health...
I only have that one hope, because in my eyes, she already have everything else...
she's perfect.

Happy Birthday Bunda,

The Pine Show It's Strength In the Coldest Winter

when I pray, I never ask for happiness because I know happiness is a matter of perspective. Beside, always happy is boring. I never ask for health, because I know it's up to me, whether I know how to be grateful or not. If I ask for age, I know it doesn't matter, it already decided. If I ask for wealth, well that's up to my level of gratefulness too. These kinda thing is not absolute or objective, it's always a matter of perspective. And God perspective and mine surely different. So I thought praying for something like that wouldn't help me.

Trough trial and error i finally realize I don't want a perfect and easy life. I want to live an adventure. I want to have a story where I face hardships, and made mistakes. Then how I overcome them. I'd rather be an evolving human who grow from time to time. I want the ability to learn a lesson from everything, everyone and everywhere, even my own mistake. Rather than always happy, I want to be a person who keep on moving no matter what happen. Because whatever happen to me, the world won't stop to wait for me to be ready living a life again. And I don't wanna be left, I don't wanna stop, I wanna keep moving.

But the everything, everyone and everywhere and no matter what part I realize, is the hardest....And these thing I want, is not a matter of perspective between me and God. That's why I always pray,

that He never take His Grace from me. I realize He held the greatest power there is, in everything good and bad...so I pray that He give my heart, mind, and body the strength, patience, and willingness to face whatever will happen to me. And to take lessons from whatever He show me, either good or bad.

For a friend, who's having a hard time...I pray this for you...
God, I know you heard me, and you give it to me...can you please give it to my friend too?

Ain't That Right, Huh?

too bad it's not that easy...hm

Girl Talk

Abis gw makan, gw pulang dan lanjutin ngobrol sama temen gw yang tadi di YM. Nah di lanjutan ngobrol ini, gw menemukan kenapa cewe-cewe suka berantem padahal ga ada ujan ga ada angin!! Soalnya semuanya NGERASA.

Ngerasa diomongin...ganti status. Yang tadi DIRASA ngomongin NGERASA diomongin. Bikin tulisan di blog. Sambil yang di blog ngomongin, yang diomongin ngadu. Dua pihak sama-sama diomongin dan sama-sama ngomongin. Tapi ga ada yang BERANI ngomong depan muka yang diomongin. Bingung ya...

It's a mind game, which called "Who snapped first" and that's the loser because as far as people know, that's the ACTUAL start. The attack after that is justified, because "they start it first".
when actually, it start long ago, from probably nothing, from WAY different matter.

Like I read in some book "Women prefer to draw blood using words. It can cause just as much havoc, but it doesn’t stain the carpet" I personally think that's because we're created by God without the physic power to hurt the body, that's why we aim for the soul. Whether we realize it or not to use it for our advantage is still a question...

Oh You Did NOT Just Said That!

Gw abis makan sambil ngobrol sama temen gw...di satu restoran dimana waktu bayar kartu gw "switching".

Apa itu switching? (dari pengamatan dan pertanyaan gw tadi sih)
Jadi udah masuk billnya, duit gw udah kepotong, tapi ga kesambung sama komputer mereka yang ada rincian gw makan apa dengan harga berapa dan pajak berapa. Nah ini bikin mereka bakal susah untuk minta ke bank, soalnya (kayanya) si bank minta rinciannya. Mesti di cancel kan?? Nah si mesinnya lagi bego jadi kaga mau di cancel. Mau pake kartu lain, yang ini udah masuk. Yang ini mau di cancel, kaga mau. Either way, not my fault.

Udah berkali2 gw mencet pin tapi ga bisa juga, ngambek mesinnya. Gw mengerti itu bukan salah mbaknya, tapi koneksi si mesinnya yang lagi bego. Jadi gw anteng aja. Mungkin karna mbaknya ga enak gw udah lama bet ngurusin pembayaran gini, si mbaknya bilang "kan kartunya udah di mbak, mbak pulang aja. Ntar saya cancel-in." Gw tanya, "gimana caranya?" Si mbaknya dengan begonya bilang "Boleh minta pin-nya?"

YA KAGAK LAH! Bank aja nggak minta, apa lagi elu!
(sumpah gw bilang gini sambil ngakak)

gw sama temen gw beneran ngakak di muka si mbaknya....udah gila dia....
maaf ya mbak kita ngetawain, but you know you deserve it...

My Dad and My Brother. Then and Now...

My Brother at 3 Years Old
Ayah : Hanif! Kenapa masih coret-coret di dinding? Kan ayah udah bilang jangan coret-coret, ini kan bukan rumah kita, bukan rumah ayah, kita cuma minjem! (rumah perusahaan, jadi emang numpang)

Adek : Ayah selalu bilang sama kita nggak boleh pinjem-pinjem barang orang....ayah sendiri malah minjem rumah

Ayah : ....(ga bisa jawab, HAHAH!!!)

Bunda : Pergi ke dapur, ngakak!!!

My Brother at 19 Years Old
Kita lagi jalan mau makan, di mobil...
Semua : Ayah jalannya kenapa sih lelet banget, kaga ada apa-apa juga gitu didepan!
Ayah : Kemaren tuh baru ada seminar safety. Jalan itu ga boleh lebih dari 60 km/jam (ya ampun dah yak, kapan sampenya...padahal kosong juga jalannya). Udah dibilangin, mau peraturan save kaya gimana juga, tapi safety itu dari rumah, mulai dari kebiasaan....
Semua : ..... (iya ho-oh deh)

Pas banget beberapa menit kemudian kita lewat tikungan...dan si ayah nyalip mobil pas di tikungan

Adek : tadi katanya safety driving...mulai dari rumah...gimana coba nih?

Me and Bunda laughing like heck in the back seat!! and just like then, my dad can't say a word...
LOL!!!

what i find when i open my eyes...

a text from my Dad:

Ass.wr.wb, Zahra Hanif, atur agenda ya, 03 Feb 2010, kita nonton Muse di Spore.

Isn't he the coolest dad ever? How blessed is my life...and I always grateful for it
:)

Basic Understanding

I believe nothing good ever comes easy.
Some said someone with great luck will get a lot of good things easily. I don't think so. Even there is a compensation for those luck. If it IS easy, then it's not THAT good.

When we want something great, don't ever expect that you'll get it smoothly. You HAVE to get through the pain, the betrayal, fighting with your own ego, the tiredness, the boredom, and all those bad things. If you can't handle them, than you don't deserve that great things, whatever it is.

Family.Friends.Happiness.Money.Glory.Fame.Power.Adventure.Knowledge.Health.Grateful.Peace.God
You name it.
You don't get it easy, and you don't have it easy.

That's the truth and sooner we get it, faster we move, stronger we will, happier we are...