You remind me of two persons.
Myself. With the mix of my tragic friend.
Everytime I talk to you, I think I can feel what you feel. The energy, like you can do anything in this world....yet you're not sure what exactly you want to do.
I can feel the adventure in your sentences, the adventure of life. Searching for answer in dark times, chewing that bitter cold hard steak called reality, and feeling glorious when you can overcome all of it.
But I bet, the best feeling is feeling blown. An unexpected result you get in the search, when you encounter something new and it shows you a new world. Something you never knew before. (sometimes it's) something small, yet made you think "this is what flying must felt like" so free, so liberating. Made the journey worthwhile, addictive even.
I've been there. It's raw energy you have, you can mold it into anything.
You excite and worry me. I've seen adventure taking a tragic turn. But then again, the best ones is always the one on the edge, between tragic and glory.
Adventure is about getting lost, and find a way. Nobody know where's your cliff, and where's the secret way to save you. Only you will find one of them, and I really hope you find that secret way. And you will mold that energy into something good, in the end.
But as a reader, I can only hope, I can only imagine. The story, probably will be something I can't imagine.
Like a good book, I hope I get to read it until the last page. And I get to read it over and over again.
I sent you my prayer, may the saving grace protect you....always.