Orbital Strike by Kai Lim

I want my own Stardestroyer please...

A Token

it’s a picture of Esplanade de LaDefense. It’s my metro station, the station is under that pool. It’s walking distance from my app(but not so much in the winter), and the route is the Metro Paris no.1! YEAH!

I miss Paris more than ever now.

not because everybody LOVE Paris-just like how everybody love New York-oh well who doesn’t anyway…it’s just like loving Panda. You can’t NOT doing it.

Lovely and irresistible as ever, but I miss it because of me. It’s one of the symbol of my precious journey. It’s there; soothing me, teach me, guide me, through my struggle. It congratulate me too, when it’s over, and I won.

It’s an icon of how I succeed on shaping myself into what I want. It’s not a pretty-lalala-rainbow journey…but in the end it taste so good, now I can remember the pain with smiles…secret smiles-which is the best smile. And that’s what i’m trying to do now. shaping myself. Hard as heck, but that’s expected…but still hard…sigh…

So Paris, please help me remember…how good it will be in the end. Help me remember that the pain is worth it. And I’ll have another symbol for my another precious journey…

Pretty Coincidence

Mark Jenkins Quote

Adventure is a path. Real adventure – self-determined, self-motivated, often risky – forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind – and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white.

Mind Soother

I don’t know how and in which part, but the music gave me the taste of freedom and peace. At first I wonder myself, what did it do to me exactly? Then I found that it didn’t speak to me through the lyrics or the beat or the rhythm, or the melody. It speak to my sense of feeling. It made me feel the song. Kinda like Homogenic, Imogen Heap, Coldplay, Travis, and Mew, but the in the cheery happy free way.

My dream home is a house with backyard and terrace where I can drink tea while I read my books. Full of sunshine and flowers but never hot, always warm. The colors are calm but the air is rich with laughter and happiness. The wind is soft and soothing, perfect for lazy day alone or crazy event full of happy people. And Owl City music really mirrored my imagination of feeling about this place.

Today's Note

Today I learn something,
So today I screwed up. I broke a promise, not only one but two. One of them is my best friend.
She need to buy something, it’s important, but she had to work and need to go straight to Jakarta after, so she didn’t have time to buy it. Since I have time, I said I’ll bought it for her and bring it to her office. My other friend, said that she need me to come to work one hour earlier (3pm) because she have to do something regarding her academic stuff.

I already said yes to both . But I haven’t sleep all night, so I said to them to call me an hour before. I slept after I set my alarm. But when I woke up, it’s already 4pm.
!!!
Turn out that in the middle of my sleep, my phone is dead. At 4pm, my best friend probably already on her way, and my work friend is probably already too late to take care of her stuff. I run to my work place, can’t turn on my phone. It was on for a minute but then messages and phone record keep coming so it turned dead again before I even read one of them.I know it’s them asking where the hell am I.

In the way I keep thinking how I’m ashamed of myself. I disappoint my best friend, and my friend, whom never disappoint me, not once. Air susu dibalas air tuba! I keep thinking how am I gonna make it up to them, who probably won’t even talk to me for a while. I feel like crying, but hey…I don’t have the right to cry. It is me who screwed up!

But guess what,
When I get to the shop…my friend told me it’s okay, I have to do some stock checking, and count the money. She even SMILE to tell me to not worry!!!
That hit me hard. If it was me, I won’t be mad. But HELL NO I’ll smile! I’ll be cold.
I dazed…for like 5 minute? I know it really hard to smile at times like that, but she choose to be a bigger person. Not getting angry is already great. But to even smile, that’s another level already. I want to be there too…I’ll try…

Oh, and when I finally can charge my phone, my best friend text me. No angry message, she even asked me to pray for her success. Later she said thing she want me to buy is just not meant to be taken with her. Huhuuuu…I’m so touched…

Thank you God for giving me good friends, who can teach me to be a better person…

Kebiasaan Tawar-Menawar

Saya mau protes,
Saya sebel banget kalo dibilang sok kaya gara-gara saya males nawar di gedebage, atau kalo lagi beli bunga di simpang, atau kalo saya males nawar dimanapun. Jarang banget saya nawar, biasanya kalo harga pertama udah nggak cocok yaudah saya tinggal. Kalaupun nawar, nawarnya saya adalah nanya "harga pas-nya berapa?" atau "nggak bisa kurang?" ke si penjual dan ngebiarin penjualnya nentuin harga yang mau ditawarin ke saya. Kalau harganya menurut saya masuk akal, saya beli walupun teman-teman saya bilang "tawar lagi tau harusnya, itu kemahalan". Kalo misalnya harganya saya anggap tetep terlalu mahal, yaudah saya nggak maksa. Saya anggep aja kaya abis liat-liat Topshop, pengen tapi ga mampu atau ga bersedia bayar segitu. Nggak pernah saya ngotot dalam tawar-menawar.

Bukan saya sok kaya, tapi pada dasarnya saya males nawar. Setau saya, opsi boleh nawar itu ada di pasar-pasar, atau tukang asongan kaya tukang bunga yang suka saya beli. Jadi tau juga kan kalo mereka bukan orang-orang yang hidupnya berkecukupan? Kita bayar dengan harga yang ditawarin pun belum tentu bisa cukup buat mereka makan, bayar listrik, air, pendidikan. Apalagi buat kebutuhan tersier macem nonton, belanja, dll.

Kenapa sih nggak rela banget liat orang mau bayar dengan harga yang ditawarin si penjual? Kan mereka pengen juga makan, pengen juga sekolah. Kalaupun udah bisa, udah cukup, kan mereka pengen juga punya baju yang bagus, punya sepatu lucu, bisa nonton film, bisa makan cemilan, kaya kita.

Saya juga nggak bego-bego amat, saya tau harga aslinya cuma seperlimanya. Cuma emang ada ya orang jualan yang nggak cari untung? Kalo dibilang keterlaluan, lebih keterlaluan mana sih sama sepatu dan baju dan tas bermerek? Yang bukan merek macem Cartier pun, yang biasa aja kaya distro deh, dikira nggak ngambil untung berlipat-lipat juga? Tapi dibeli juga kan tetep, kalo suka, kalo pengen? Rela kan ngasih untung 10 kali lipat ke perusahaan-perusahaan itu? Ke toko-toko itu? Kenapa nggak rela ngasih untung 5 kali lipat ke orang lain, apalagi yang hidupnya jauh daripada yang punya perusahaan-perusahaan atau toko-toko itu? This is the part that I won’t participate in.

Kalau ada yang mau, ngambil kesempatan untuk nawar karna udah dikasih, ya silahkan…(ya prinsip ekonomi kan mencari untung sebesar-besarnya memang). Toh value yang kita inginkan berbeda. Makanya sudut pandang kita terhadap suatu hal beda juga. Emang saya marah-marah kalo kalian nawar? Kan nggak…saya juga nggak ngatain kalian sok miskin kan? Jadi jangan sembarangan ngatain saya sok kaya juga dong…

Jangan salah dan dibolak-balik ya! Saya bukannya ga suka sama orang yang doyan nawar, tapi saya nggak suka ada orang yang protes dan ngatain saya kalo saya ga doyan nawar. You have your reason, so do I. I don't bugged you about yours, you shouldn't bugged me about mine.

A Glimpse of Summer

When I take this picture, the sun is like angry with us...it was a blinding hot day, we keep saying that how did it become so freaking hot in just a week after all that heavy rain? but somehow now we're back to the gloomy rainy day...and then we whine again why the hell the rain won't stop and ruin everything...

Give me my sunshine back...but don't take away the cool wind please??
I'm so ungrateful...forgive me God...

What makes me uneasy is that the weather seem to mirror my mental state. I'll flip from summer to winter in a matter of days...and I've never been a moody person! The dangerous part is, I realized I'm being moody and I monitor my state everyday...is this normal?? I mean being moody is normal, BUT realizing that I'm moody then take note from it, and make plan for future act/mood from it doesn't seem normal. Is it?

My state is important as now I'm in my last semester, I have to be as calm as possible. I need my rationality at it's best right now. But somehow I keep being reminded by everything how my rationality is getting worrying...and I can't decide which one I have to choose, because I don't think I have enough time to add something to worry about right now.

Am I making sense? Okay, I think I'm babbling...

I Have Rainbow On My Eyelashes

I found something quite stressing today...it's either my bad luck or just something i actually make myself, but this week i found disappointment after disappointment.

it's human to feel sad, and whine and cry and sulk...but i'll just gonna be a snob and say i'm already on the level that passed whining as activities. It's either whining then do something about it, or do something about it without whining. Hey, It's faster!

The disappointment I have I can just gulp them and feel them stuck in my throat and chest, annoyed me while I do something to make them disappear. Just enjoy the feeling, just keep moving. I'm nervous and scared. I already feel that it's hard and it's reaching to my eyes and soul, but I know it will feel so satisfying when I lose them without also losing time. Nothing beat that feeling.

Rainbow on my eyelashes, for now please be satisfied with me being sane
I'll smile with you again in no time...for now please just smile at me
I promise I'll make it up to you :)

One of My Ultimate Worry

For a wise lady who can teach even the harshest thing with softness and patience
I only have one hope, is that God give you health...
because you're always sick, that worries me hell
while I still have a lot of thing that I wish to do for you
I still have a lot of thing that I wish to do with you
I still have a lot of things to share with you
I still have a lot of things that I want to learn from you

God please please please give her good health...
I only have that one hope, because in my eyes, she already have everything else...
she's perfect.

Happy Birthday Bunda,

The Pine Show It's Strength In the Coldest Winter

when I pray, I never ask for happiness because I know happiness is a matter of perspective. Beside, always happy is boring. I never ask for health, because I know it's up to me, whether I know how to be grateful or not. If I ask for age, I know it doesn't matter, it already decided. If I ask for wealth, well that's up to my level of gratefulness too. These kinda thing is not absolute or objective, it's always a matter of perspective. And God perspective and mine surely different. So I thought praying for something like that wouldn't help me.

Trough trial and error i finally realize I don't want a perfect and easy life. I want to live an adventure. I want to have a story where I face hardships, and made mistakes. Then how I overcome them. I'd rather be an evolving human who grow from time to time. I want the ability to learn a lesson from everything, everyone and everywhere, even my own mistake. Rather than always happy, I want to be a person who keep on moving no matter what happen. Because whatever happen to me, the world won't stop to wait for me to be ready living a life again. And I don't wanna be left, I don't wanna stop, I wanna keep moving.

But the everything, everyone and everywhere and no matter what part I realize, is the hardest....And these thing I want, is not a matter of perspective between me and God. That's why I always pray,

that He never take His Grace from me. I realize He held the greatest power there is, in everything good and bad...so I pray that He give my heart, mind, and body the strength, patience, and willingness to face whatever will happen to me. And to take lessons from whatever He show me, either good or bad.

For a friend, who's having a hard time...I pray this for you...
God, I know you heard me, and you give it to me...can you please give it to my friend too?

Ain't That Right, Huh?

too bad it's not that easy...hm

Girl Talk

Abis gw makan, gw pulang dan lanjutin ngobrol sama temen gw yang tadi di YM. Nah di lanjutan ngobrol ini, gw menemukan kenapa cewe-cewe suka berantem padahal ga ada ujan ga ada angin!! Soalnya semuanya NGERASA.

Ngerasa diomongin...ganti status. Yang tadi DIRASA ngomongin NGERASA diomongin. Bikin tulisan di blog. Sambil yang di blog ngomongin, yang diomongin ngadu. Dua pihak sama-sama diomongin dan sama-sama ngomongin. Tapi ga ada yang BERANI ngomong depan muka yang diomongin. Bingung ya...

It's a mind game, which called "Who snapped first" and that's the loser because as far as people know, that's the ACTUAL start. The attack after that is justified, because "they start it first".
when actually, it start long ago, from probably nothing, from WAY different matter.

Like I read in some book "Women prefer to draw blood using words. It can cause just as much havoc, but it doesn’t stain the carpet" I personally think that's because we're created by God without the physic power to hurt the body, that's why we aim for the soul. Whether we realize it or not to use it for our advantage is still a question...

Oh You Did NOT Just Said That!

Gw abis makan sambil ngobrol sama temen gw...di satu restoran dimana waktu bayar kartu gw "switching".

Apa itu switching? (dari pengamatan dan pertanyaan gw tadi sih)
Jadi udah masuk billnya, duit gw udah kepotong, tapi ga kesambung sama komputer mereka yang ada rincian gw makan apa dengan harga berapa dan pajak berapa. Nah ini bikin mereka bakal susah untuk minta ke bank, soalnya (kayanya) si bank minta rinciannya. Mesti di cancel kan?? Nah si mesinnya lagi bego jadi kaga mau di cancel. Mau pake kartu lain, yang ini udah masuk. Yang ini mau di cancel, kaga mau. Either way, not my fault.

Udah berkali2 gw mencet pin tapi ga bisa juga, ngambek mesinnya. Gw mengerti itu bukan salah mbaknya, tapi koneksi si mesinnya yang lagi bego. Jadi gw anteng aja. Mungkin karna mbaknya ga enak gw udah lama bet ngurusin pembayaran gini, si mbaknya bilang "kan kartunya udah di mbak, mbak pulang aja. Ntar saya cancel-in." Gw tanya, "gimana caranya?" Si mbaknya dengan begonya bilang "Boleh minta pin-nya?"

YA KAGAK LAH! Bank aja nggak minta, apa lagi elu!
(sumpah gw bilang gini sambil ngakak)

gw sama temen gw beneran ngakak di muka si mbaknya....udah gila dia....
maaf ya mbak kita ngetawain, but you know you deserve it...

My Dad and My Brother. Then and Now...

My Brother at 3 Years Old
Ayah : Hanif! Kenapa masih coret-coret di dinding? Kan ayah udah bilang jangan coret-coret, ini kan bukan rumah kita, bukan rumah ayah, kita cuma minjem! (rumah perusahaan, jadi emang numpang)

Adek : Ayah selalu bilang sama kita nggak boleh pinjem-pinjem barang orang....ayah sendiri malah minjem rumah

Ayah : ....(ga bisa jawab, HAHAH!!!)

Bunda : Pergi ke dapur, ngakak!!!

My Brother at 19 Years Old
Kita lagi jalan mau makan, di mobil...
Semua : Ayah jalannya kenapa sih lelet banget, kaga ada apa-apa juga gitu didepan!
Ayah : Kemaren tuh baru ada seminar safety. Jalan itu ga boleh lebih dari 60 km/jam (ya ampun dah yak, kapan sampenya...padahal kosong juga jalannya). Udah dibilangin, mau peraturan save kaya gimana juga, tapi safety itu dari rumah, mulai dari kebiasaan....
Semua : ..... (iya ho-oh deh)

Pas banget beberapa menit kemudian kita lewat tikungan...dan si ayah nyalip mobil pas di tikungan

Adek : tadi katanya safety driving...mulai dari rumah...gimana coba nih?

Me and Bunda laughing like heck in the back seat!! and just like then, my dad can't say a word...
LOL!!!